Rainbow Bridges and Other Goodbyes

In rapid succession, losses have ravaged me. Processing multiples is beyond tough. I’m simply trying not to become Grief Girl. Seriously, some days I need a T-shirt that reads ‘Save yourself – Don’t ask me how I’m doing’. I cry every time someone who knows me asks.

It started two months ago. A significant love relationship ended. The painful part was the lack of any conversation about it. The response to me suggesting how wrong that felt was In time, it won’t be weird. Nope, still weird.

Six weeks later, he sent a sympathy card when my only remaining aunt passed away. She was almost eighty-nine and clear minded until her last few days alive. She was ready to go to her eternal home, prayed for it and had said the goodbyes she wanted to.

I will miss her always. but it’s the sweet in bittersweet that I was able to find peace with her passing. There have been times I wondered if it was because I hardly had time to process this loss for the next ones. Though I had truly been processing her leaving us for a couple months already. When she asked me to pray for her going home to be peaceful, I began preparing my heart.

Three days after we buried Mom’s sister, hospice began coming to see her. Mom can still ambulate a little and even used the word during a nurse visit so we have a little time but there’s nothing further “medicine” can do. Frankly, overmedication in the past have led us here. All I can do is pray we find comfort and find great memories along this journey.

Three more days passed, before enduring an overwhelming loss. Having zero chance to fully grieve anything yet, I had to usher my beloved Jake across the rainbow bridge. Jake’s true age was a guess, but he would have been six on my next birthday which is also his made-up birthday. So young, a cruel and unfair loss. When he left, he took a huge chunk of my heart. It will not be whole again for a long time.

Jake (also the dog formerly known as Blazer) was both goofy and smart. He was snuggly when he wanted to be, but super cool all the time. He was always looking up and hunting, but saved his energy while doing it. He’d wait lazily on our back deck, though ready for a chase. He went after any small furry creature with incredible gusto and speed.

Always up for my kind of adventure, Jake was a trusty sidekick who carried his own supplies and made me feel safe in ways he didn’t understand. My gentle giant ~ goofy, golden-eyed and gorgeous.

I’ll never forget or or stop loving your strange position in the car, tongue out the side, winking and Elvis grinning self.