…..despite the fact that time and time and time again I plead “Lord, I’m not hearing you. Please just write me a billboard.”
My begging for an answer usually stems from the fact that I am terrible at making decisions. Or hate making them or is it that I hate just the thinking about it?
At a minimum, the way I make huge decisions is probably not wise… choices are a complete snap thing for me. Little decisions, I am crippled by. Large decisions like quitting a job on a whim, yep no problem. I can make them in the blink of an eye. (I’ve done that one three times, and thank you, God, for allowing me to land on my feet each time. More blessed than I deserve, big guy!)
Sell my house and not have another? Sure. Decide that, do that and be living with a complete stranger two months later? Been there, doing that right now.
Bear with me, I am going somewhere with this.
I do believe God was in that decision, subtly, the entire way. I’ve been here almost exactly a year now and as I contemplate my next move – I’m analyzing options and trying to listen for God’s nod (or frown) at my next move. Really, I really am trying to practice better decision-making.
I’m considering going even more gypsy (minimalist) for my living situation. My family thinks I’m nuts and making myself not to care is as liberating as living a near minimalist life.
I spent almost sixty days away from home last year. I am becoming cool with that increasing. So why does “home” have to be something I own and have responsibility for, when I spend less and less time there?
I have loved filling this little five-year journal. Some of the questions are dumb, but this one, when this prayer is so frequent on my heart….. reads like a tiny little billboard. The journal is not much bigger than my hand, but the words I put in over and over again are huge. This is how home has been described for the past five years. It’s not a thing or a structure or a fancy place.
As a matter of fact, ‘home’ is wherever you make it. Mine is having a soft spot to land and take off from and it doesn’t need to be much!
God may not do billboards by the highway for me, but I’m definitely taking this as “continue on the current route, my girl.” I can’t wait to see how ‘home’ will be defined next year.